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Monologues for Men


We are glad the Dolphin is so pleasant with us,

His present and your pains we thank you for.

When we have match’d our rackets to these balls,

We will in France, by God’s grace, play a set

Shall strike his father’s crown into the hazard.

Tell him he hath made a match with such a wrangler

That all the courts of France will be disturb’d

With chaces. And we understand him well,

How he comes o’er us with our wilder days,

Not measuring what use we made of them.

We never valu’d this poor seat of England,

And therefore, living hence, did give ourself

To barbarous license; as ’tis ever common

That men are merriest when they are from home.

But tell the Dolphin I will keep my state,

Be like a king, and show my sail of greatness

When I do rouse me in my throne of France.

For that I have laid by my majesty,

And plodded like a man for working-days;

But I will rise there with so full a glory

That I will dazzle all the eyes of France,

Yea, strike the Dolphin blind to look on us.

And tell the pleasant prince this mock of his

Hath turn’d his balls to gun-stones, and his soul

Shall stand sore charged for the wasteful vengeance

That shall fly with them; for many a thousand widows

Shall this his mock mock out of their dear husbands;

Mock mothers from their sons, mock castles down;

And some are yet ungotten and unborn

That shall have cause to curse the Dolphin’s scorn.

But this lies all within the will of God,

To whom I do appeal, and in whose name

Tell you the Dolphin I am coming on

To venge me as I may, and to put forth

My rightful hand in a well-hallow’d cause.

So get you hence in peace; and tell the Dolphin

His jest will savor but of shallow wit,

When thousands weep more than did laugh at it.—

Convey them with safe conduct.—Fare you well.

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